I need to write a letter apologizing to the world.
I am sorry for not paying more attention to you this year.
I tried my best, but not really.
See, it was hard because the world inside my body was broken.
My heart began to fall apart
and as a result, my spirit
that used to flow
broke slowly this year, slowly,
like a tear that hesitates
to make its way down my cheek
because the journey is long and painful,
like how it feels when a tattoo is being born
on your shaking wrist.
Speaking of tattoos, I did my best to tattoo Japan’s tsunami
in my brain, those 18,000 lives swallowed
in a few breaths, like plankton
gulped by a killer whale.
I did my best to tattoo in my heart that video of the toddler girl in China
run over by a truck and then another truck,
then ignored by 8 passersby,
as if she were the invention of human roadkill
as if children were meant to be crushed,
the way baby cows were meant to have their brains bashed
so their mothers’ milk could be poured
down human throats instead.
Your love is lacking. I am lacking.
But that’s okay, perhaps I want to lack,
like a mosquito that doesn’t get its fill
and fails to explode
into a million pieces of a life
that becomes forgotten
like yesterday’s news that spills, stainlessly,
on your earthy body.