Calamity Jane

— Jim Russo

I have rights, just cause I’m drunk, I have rights.
If I want to swim in my three foot . . . dough boy in my front yard
On my inner tube with my floppy hat and my beer
Fuck it . . . I have rights

(My software just told me to capitalize Fuck . . . hell anyone can write these days.)

My toe nails sure got long
Yeah! Hey a bus . . . hi everybody, all you bus riders . . . cheers!
Get out of that bus, don’t go to the city . . . stay, swim and drink beer
You’ll learn, you’ll see drinking isn’t just for the weekends anymore
You have rights, I have rights damn it
Take my job, take my wife, take my house
Take my dough boy . . . you sons a bitches
I’m a good swimmer, today I’m a good swimmer
C’mon in and get me officer, c’mon in fucker

Hey! What’s your dog’s name?
Can he swim? C’mon Rex jump in here!
You too, jump in, what’s your name?
You’re pretty . . . jump on in here, get wet, cool off
Want a beer?
I’ll get you your own inner tube, here and here’s a beer
That’s the spirit, shorts and all
I’m calling you Calamity Jane . . . here’s to you Calamity Jane
Say, I’m really like n’ your wet t-shirt
No don’t leave, no Rex don’t go, don’t go Calamity Jane
Take the towel go ahead
My wife left with the realtor
The bank’s taking my house . . . fuck it go ahead
Yeah, that’s the truth . . . you want to spend the night? Why?
Well jump back into my dough boy Calamity Jane, have another beer, c’mon Rex

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