Lovesong

— Virginette Acacio

Let us go then, you and I,
To that empty practice room at the end of the hall
At the piano, I harmonize with my left and scribble relentlessly with my right
Eagerly I play, eagerly I write
Transforming the two of us into immortal song

In the recital hall people come and go
Talking of Miss Acacio

In the darkness of my mind, I blindly grasp for things past
Remembering that one time when you and I—
Suddenly—
it comes.
The memory- that vision like a vortex, drowning me with reckless abandon
A wave of nausea crashes into me and I grab hold of the keyboard and pen
No— NO… not again.
Inspiration slipping, the demon persisting
I am submerged into the nightmare, my breath held captive by the memory

“Ssh—my soul—ssh… think of him no more.”

And so I pick up the pen and carefully place my hand on the keys
Closing my eyes and breathing deep
I inhale the intoxicating scent of my love’s mystique
But in that breath the music fades as the demon roars once more
Heaving, I smell the bitterness of my tears and I wail,
“Please… let me go.”

So how should I presume?
With my new love as inspiration, I continue…

Eyes ablaze under the adagio, lost in the tempo
I sing and I write:
A resounding top note for my love’s arresting height
A trill for the shivers his gaze commands
A smooth legato line from beginning to end, for the promise in his eyes and the kisses he sends
A slight staccato for the laughter we share
A cadence for his passion, that leaves me without breath
A minute change to minor, for the sorrow in our miles apart
It is a sweet melody, a lullaby, for the way he cradles my heart

In the recital hall people come and go
Talking of Miss Acacio

Today I finish, today I win
I’ve slain the dragon of past desire
But there will be a time…
There will be a time when my will will surrender to my heart’s beckoning

Till then do I dare? Do I dare let that merciless ghost haunt the rest of my days?
To penetrate and poison my music, my love, my life?
Condemning my every happiness to undying night?

No…
For too long I have measured my life with melodies of misery
No… NO – I will not sing for thee

I have lingered too long in the depths of sorrow
Deafened to happiness’ sweet sound
Till one day love’s voice woke me and- I finally let you drown.


An homage to T.S. Eliot’s, “The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock.”

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