What to do with Grandma?

— Lawrence T Hollist

I asked Joe if he would
Take her in if he could.
He wouldn’t know she was around
She hardly even makes a sound
For she is quiet as a mouse.
He replied, “Not in my house!”
What to do with Grandma?

I asked my brother Fred
If Grandma could rest her head
At his place. She doesn’t take up much space.
Fred said, “I’ve no room even in my cupboards or under the stairs,
Where you put her I just don’t cares.”
What to do with Grandma?

I told my brother John I knew his wife was pregnant
And she might think Grandma was a little to pungant,
But easy peasy lemon squeezy
Every morning spray Grandma with febrezey.
John just said, “That makes my wife go sneezey.”
What to do with Grandma?

Even before I got out, “Can”
“No, no, no,” said my sister Anne,
“My kids are eager beavers,
That keep themselves busy as bees.
I don’t even have time for my TV.”
You don’t have to take her to their activates,
I said, and far as TV goes
Grandma is fine watching your shows.
But still the answer was full of nos.
What to do with Grandma?

Then I got a call from Ma and Pa.
“Now listen to your Father and Mother,
Stop bothering your sisters and brothers.
And just take Grandma to the curb in a garbage bin,
Dig a hole; throw her in,
Put her in a big create
And leave her at the cemetery gate,
Or take her to the farm where you took your kids cat.
We thought we taught better than that.”
And then they began to chant and shout.
“Just throw that old hag out,
Just throw that old hag out,
Just throw that old hag out….”

I know my parents might be right.
‘Cause it gives my children a real fright.
Thinking she might just sit up
Anytime her coffin lid pops up.

 

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