— Dennis Richardson
Taken alphabetically, you could easily say
The main love letters are e,i,l,o,u,v and always y.
You have to have a y. You will be hard pressed
to find better love letters than these.
I mean, right away you can eliminate z.
I can’t think of any word of love that has a z.
And I am also inclined to throw out k.
Some might argue for “kiss” but then you
have to contend with “kick”, as in, “kick out”,
and of course the f-word, which some say
is an ugly little word and therefore has to go
but come to think of it you can’t make love
without a “k” and love is what this is all about.
It has to stay.
I’m afraid the long a has to go though. “Hate” is not
a word you want to meet on a date, but make has
a long “a” too, damn. Okay, we’ll keep it but x, as in,
“the ex” has to go, the letter brings misery to everyone,
even in algebra, so, from now on you can only “make love”,
not have “sex”, unless, of course, your just on a sexy date.
That’s not necessarily love yet. And remember,
people suffer from broken hearts all the time, probably
caused by repeatedly rereading old love letters.
I recommend you don’t write love letters on paper
any more, as per the above. The only kind of love
letters you should be writing are the ones you write
on the beach in the sand.
They can’t be used against you later and if they get
washed away, you can really impress him or her
by rewriting them, even larger this time.